Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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