he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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