I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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