bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
And then he peed in my hair
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