I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
