At least make sure they are 18
Why
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
