i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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