we're chasing vodka with high fives
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize