You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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