we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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