I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
