I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
