you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
