Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
