He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
