Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
