The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
