Soap is not a condiment
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
