Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
