Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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