I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
