this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
