Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
