Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize