maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
