Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
