every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
They are going to name an STD after you.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
