i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
