ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize