Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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