ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
