i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Holy sore nipples Batman
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
