he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I could make wine with my vomit
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
