Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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