Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
