she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
