It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
