"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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