did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
