Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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