Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am naked and annoyed.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize