Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
