I want to make a zoo with you.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
