Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
