the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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