he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
