I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
