Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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