Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
