apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
