i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I cut my penus on the lid.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
