my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
