I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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