How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
