They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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