I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
