you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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