I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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