Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
