So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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