The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
