Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
