btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I smell stomach acid.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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