I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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