So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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