Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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