She is in my trunk
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need to calm my uterus...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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