I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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