allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
