I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
