just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
