you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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