Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
