It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize