My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
try to milk me bitch
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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