then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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