Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize