WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
