They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
