My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
