i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i drank out of a bidet.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
