dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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