I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
