Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
