i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
