Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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