Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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