Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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