I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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