Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
