Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
