dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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