Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
