at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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