On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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