i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
