True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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