If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
