He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
