normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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