So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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