Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize