me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
