i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize