Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
